Parents’ Food Behaviors: Good Role Models or Bad? by Joan Kent, PhD

 

A mother brought her young son to me as a client. She was concerned about her son’s weight and wanted me to give him nutrition advice and coach him in swimming.

Coaching swimming is not a skill I have, but I agreed to be his nutrition coach and train him at the fitness club. We used gym equipment, water exercises and some swimming. The kid had a great time exercising and “invented” a few pool exercises, using paddle boards. They were vigorous exercises – and he loved them because they were his own creations.

But mom wasn’t happy. She wanted her son to Swim (and eat “fruits and vegetables”) so he’d lose weight. Her son was quite defensive about his weight.

Mom #2 

A different mother wanted me to work with her teenage daughter, who was on the school swim team. She feared her daughter would get fat due to adolescent hormonal changes. She pressured her daughter to skip the snacks served at the after-school training sessions and eat nothing till she got home for dinner. 

The daughter said mom never ate anything during the day and just drank green tea. The girl was angry about all of this but afraid to say so.

Food ‘Programs’:  Do These Seem Familiar?

Food programs can take many forms and cover a lot of territory. Many parents’ quirks about food are passed on to their kids, either intentionally or unconsciously.

This post has more questions than answers, but the questions are worth exploring.

• Do you make your kids clean their plates?

Where did you learn that? As Dr. Phil might say, How’s it working for you?

A father told me that, once his kids put food on their plates, he makes them eat all of it. He said it taught them to gauge their needs, but it sounded like child abuse to me. Apparently, dad’s never heard of plastic containers. Or leftovers.

• Along the same lines, what are your rules about throwing away food?

Unfortunately, starving children are everywhere. But eating food you don’t need – or making your kids do that – won’t help the starving children.

The U.S. produces 3950 calories per day for every man, woman and child. Under those conditions, throwing away food isn’t a sin. It’s survival.

• Do you serve overly large portions to your kids?

The average stomach is about the size of the person’s fist. Yes, it stretches, but think of the size of a child’s fist. Do you serve too much, and then force your kids to clean their plates?

• How often do you weigh yourself?

And how do you react? Do you strive for a precise weight or accept a healthful range? How does your weight affect your feelings of attractiveness? How does it affect your moods and behaviors?

•      What do you not allow yourself to do because (or when) you feel fat?

• Do you comment negatively about other people’s bodies, weight, shape?
• Do you use food to reward yourself (or your child)?
• Do you use food to alleviate stress or a bad mood?

Two of my clients with very different eating patterns had one thing in common.

One client used food as an answer to virtually everything:  fatigue, thirst, bad moods, stress, and more.

The other client had anorexia and did anything to keep from eating. She would sleep, chew gum, drink water, or exercise.

What they had in common was neither one was taking care of her needs. But which one would you admire? Which one would you say was doing things “right,” and why?

This is a complex topic and, again, brings up more questions than answers. It’s worth becoming aware of the food behaviors your children have seen in you, and the ones you’ve encouraged in them.

Rigid thinking around food and weight sends a perfectionistic message. That can be tough for any child to live up to – or overcome.

If you’re looking for easy ways to improve your eating, perfect! That’s what I do. Just visit www.LastResortNutrition.com and request your free Empowered Eating Consult. Find out how simple it is to shift a few behaviors and attitudes about food to make meals easier, more enjoyable, and healthful. For you and for your kids!

Brought to you by Dr. Joan Kent, best-selling author of Stronger Than Sugar:  7 Simple Steps to Defeat Sugar Addiction, Lift Your Mood, and Transform Your Health.